The Ultimate Players' Guidebook to Womanizing
by tHe-aRisTocRatiC-aSSaSSiN
Summary: It's the final year at Hogwarts for MWPP. Which also means it's the last year for James to try to get Lily. And how will he do it? From his experience ["guidebook"] of womanizing of course! And maybe with a little help from Remus and even possibly Sirius!
1. A Red Lily

A/N: Now I'm writing HP fanfiction, Marauders to be specific. I got the title from seeing one of my sister's books [bought, not that she wrote it herself] entitled _The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to Life_. I think that was the title, more or less. Thank you to those who clicked on the link! Read and review. You can do one or the other...though it would make no sense to review when you didn't read...  
  
THE BASIC INFORMATION:  
  
-Last year of Hogwarts for the Marauders and Lily  
-I will alternate views every chapter   
-Might have slight OOCness but we don't even know how they really were so it doesn't matter  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. He and his fellow cast are from the incredible mind of J.K. Rowling. Long live the genius! Oh, and I might've used some of the lines from the books so that doesn't belong to me either.

**The Ultimate Players' Guidebook to Womanizing  
  
**

**Chapter 1 – A Red Lily**  
  
-James's POV-  
  
"Oi, Prongs, shouldn't you be in the Head compartment instead of stuffing your face with Chocolate Frogs?" Sirius asked me, popping some Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans into his mouth.  
  
"Oh yeah," I said in realization. "Whatever, I'm sure the Head Girl won't mind if I'm..." I glanced at my wrist. Then it hit me I wasn't wearing my watch. "Uhhh...anyone know what time it is?"  
  
Remus looked at his own wrist. "It is approximately 1545 hours," he said.  
  
"What?" said Peter blankly. [A/N: I must be the first author to be giving stupid Wormtail a line THIS early in the fanfic...amazing]  
  
"Three forty-five, in other words."  
  
"Holy shit, I'm practically five hours late!" I jumped up immediately and slid open the door. "See you guys, later!" I added before running toward the Head Compartment.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"He's going to get a kick out of the Head Girl when he finds out who it is," Sirius smirked, closing the door. "Literally and phrase-wise."  
  
"Oh, and I suppose you know who it is?" Remus said, shuffling the Exploding Snap cards.  
  
"Of course, Moony. I have my sources."

"Never fear, James Potter is here!" I said as I burst into the Head Compartment ten minutes later, posing triumphantly with my fist pumped in the air. The back of a person's head faced me, a person with long, silky dark red hair. "Sorry, I'm late." The person turned away from the window to reveal the face of no other than—  
  
The breathtaking—  
  
Omnipotent—  
  
Gorgeous—  
  
And, um, angry and scary—  
  
The one and only—  
  
Lily Evans.  
  
"What are you doing in the Head Compartment, Potter?" she asked, glaring at me.  
  
"I'm Head Boy," I replied in an uh-_DUH _voice, pointing at the badge pinned to my shirt.  
  
Lily stood up from her seat and walked over to me. I noticed she was wearing this lacey, pale blue shirt that showed her shoulders but still was decent enough to hide everything else. Though, if she bent over slightly maybe I could see a little more...  
  
_Stop thinking that way, James! _my inner conscience said. _You should not be thinking like that if you want to get her in bed. _But she's got such a nice body—_No buts, young man. And no, not _her _butt!_  
  
I was too busy arguing with myself to notice that Lily was standing right in front of me and studying at the badge on my chest.  
  
"Er...Lilykins, what are you doing?" I asked, blushing slightly since she was indeed bent over slightly and her face was just a few inches away from my chest. I tried my best to not look down her shirt but failed miserably.  
  
"Well, it's the only explanation," Lily said as if she just figured out how to cure cancer. She stood up straight and looked me in the eye though I was taller than her by quite a bit. Her green eyes seemed more catlike than ever.  
  
"What? You're not making any sense, Lily dear."  
  
She glared at me. "I told you not to give me any nicknames. Lily or just Evans will be fine."  
  
"But Lilykins sounds so much cuter." I grinned and stooped a little so my mouth was practically breathing into her ear. "You know you like the sound of it," I whispered huskily into her ear.  
  
Lily merely pushed me away and stared me in the eye again. "Potter, you should really know by now that I am not attracted to your stupid hormone driven actions," she sighed. I pouted and gave her my best innocent façade. She laughed and smacked me upside the head.  
  
"Oww, what was that for?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head. I was grinning anyway because for the first time, Lily actually laughed at one of my "stupid, retarded, idiotic, humorless jokes," as she put it.  
  
"For taking Remus's old prefect badge and jinxing it so it would say Head Boy," Lily replied.  
  
"What makes you think that?" I stopped smiling. "Why the fuck would I want to be Head Boy? It takes all the fun out of life."  
  
"Well, that's the only explanation," she repeated. "How else would you be able to get the Head Boy position?"  
  
"I dunno! Maybe Dumbledore's finally gone senile." I threw my hands up in the air. "If you want proof, I've still got my letter with me." I reached into my pants pockets and pulled out a very crumpled piece of parchment. Lily snatched it out of my hands while I was trying to smooth it out. She squinted at the words and began to read out loud.  
  
"'_Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
We are pleased to inform you that have earned the position of Head Boy for your final year here at Hogwarts. I trust you to use your new responsibility wisely since you will have more students looking up to you. Enclosed is your usual list of books for the new school year. Good luck, James.  
  
Signed, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore._'"  
  
"My God, who knew his name was so damn long," Lily said, folding my letter. She gave it back to me and I held her smooth, pale hands in my rough ones before taking one of hands and pressing my lips gently against her delicate fingertips. She immediately pulled back and—  
  
OH.  
  
MY.  
  
FUCKING.  
  
GOD.  
  
WAS SHE BLUSHING!?!  
  
_**SCORE!**_  
  
Lily quickly turned her face away and covered up her blush by being angry.  
  
"God, what the hell is wrong with you, Potter?" she asked coldly, though her emerald eyes were still blazing with desire. "Do you do that to every girl you want to fuck or what?"  
  
I wasn't sure how to reply to that. The answer was yes, but no way was I going to tell her that. The uncomfortable silence was settling in was a good enough answer.  
  
I heard her snort in disgust. Then I felt a strong grip on my arm. I turned to see Lily-  
  
Um, really, really mad.  
  
"You Casanova!" She shoved me out of the room and closed the door, locking it.  
  
Guess I have no choice but to go back to the guys. Jeez she PMS-s over every little thing. That Lily Evans...My Lily Evans. She would never go out with me, that's what made her so damn feisty and more irresistible. Her feisty-ness added to the challenge. I was going to shag that Lily Evans if she's the last girl I do until I graduate from Hogwarts. I had to get her to trust me first.  
  
And I knew the perfect person who could help me.

I burst into the compartment, clutching the stitch in my side.  
  
"You've - got - to - help - me!" I panted.  
  
"With what, James?" asked Remus.  
  
"Why aren't you in the Head Compartment?" added Sirius, who was still eating more Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.  
  
"Did you get a kick out of the new Head Girl?" put in Peter.  
  
"Well, Lily kind of pushed me out instead of kicking," I said sheepishly, having caught my breath.  
  
"Were you being a perverted jackass again?" Remus sighed, passing out the Exploding Snap cards.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"I take that as a yes."  
  
"That's why you have got to help me. I want that Lily Evans. Problem is, she doesn't like me-"  
  
"Gosh, James, I wonder why," Remus said sarcastically. "How could she not like you when you hit on her every five seconds and make it so damn obvious you want to do it with her?"  
  
"So how am I supposed to win her over?"  
  
"Become her knight in shining armor."  
  
"And how do I do that?"  
  
"Stop chasing anything with a nice rack and a pair of legs," Sirius said in a bored tone, his cards exploding and covering Peter in soot.  
  
"Hypocrite," I spat.  
  
"But you have to let her know you'll stay completely loyal to her," Remus said.  
  
"So that means no more skirt chasing," added Sirius.  
  
"Even Sirius understands."  
  
"That just means Sirius is a bigger pervert," I said.  
  
"But I know my way with the ladies," Sirius smiled, "unlike some idiots."  
  
"Shut up. But thanks, Remus, you are the ultimate guidebook for men to understand women."

A/N: And that is the end of chapter 1! I hoped you liked it. Review and it'll help me think of another chapter! =D Who exactly are Sirius's sources? Will we ever find out? WHO KNOWS!  
  
This will be L/J so don't you worry!  
  
Click the pretty lavender button down there and send me a review, or e-mail me! Just tell me what you think!  
  
And if you like Inuyasha [the show], please check out my other fanfic!  
  
REVIEW! But please don't flame! :D  
  
But thank you anyway if you decided to read this!


	2. Sexy Dispositions

A/N: And into a new chapter we go! =D Read and review!  
  
Disclaimer: It's mine if you don't recognize it! ALL MINE!! _laughs like a maniac_ =D But seriously, I don't own Harry Potter.

**The Ultimate Players' Guidebook to Womanizing**

****

**Chapter 2 – Sexy Dispositions  
  
**-Lily's POV-  
  
"I mean, I can't believe he had the AUDACITY to even do that!" I ranted. My best friend Jenna was taking it all in with a bored expression on her face. She was staring blankly out the window of the Head Compartment. I didn't know if she was listening or not, but I didn't even really care. I just had to let all my frustration out one way or the other.  
  
"It was so vile-" I continued.  
  
"Lily, I don't see why this is bigger than all the other things he's done," Jenna interrupted, finally looking more alert. "He's always doing this so I don't get how this is such a big deal."  
  
"Jenna! Have you been listening to me?" I cried. God, I felt like ripping my hair out. "That twerp is everything I go against! Someone has to stomp out that ego and I will gladly do so."  
  
"But you know, you're helping him in a way," Jenna pointed out. "You said you wanted nothing to do with him, remember?"  
  
"I'm a nice person. I like to help people. And, yes, even the stupid- pranking-retarded-moronic-idiotic-fart-headed-humorless Marauders!"  
  
"Fart-headed?" Jenna repeated. "Is that even a word or what?"  
  
"That's not the point!" I said, jabbing my index finger in the air in front of Jenna.  
  
"Then what is?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Silence.  
  
"So...anyway! I still don't see why you won't go out with such a sexy devil as James Potter himself," Jenna chirped.  
  
"Sexy? James Potter? Psshttt!" I blew a raspberry.  
  
"You know, 'James Potter' and 'sexy' sound much better when used in the same sentence," a male voice drawled behind me. I turned around and, DUH, Potter was standing there, leaning against the doorframe.  
  
"So, 'James Potter is definitely not sexy' sounds way better!" I smirked.  
  
"You wound me!" he cried melodramatically, placing a hand over his heart and another one against his forehead as if he was fainting. Jenna giggled while I rolled my eyes.  
  
"If only I could. But it's against the rules," I said, folding my arms across my chest.  
  
"W-ell, why don't you guys talk and I'll just see you at dinner, Lily?" Jenna suggested. "Toodles!" She bolted out the door before I could say anything. Potter slid the door closed after her.  
  
"Had fun talking about me?" he grinned.  
  
I glared at him in reply. He gulped.  
  
"I'm sorry about what happened earlier," Potter said. My jaw fell down in shock. Usually, he does not apologize to anybody at all. I don't think he's even said sorry to his own family!!  
  
"And I thought maybe we could talk during the time we have left till we get to school since Dumbledore did instruct us to discuss stuff during the train and carriage rides," he continued. I cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. He threw his hands in the air. "Hey, I promise I won't try anything."  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "Did Black slip something in your candy?"  
  
"I'm absolutely, one hundred percent, fine," he replied, "and not only in my health too." He winked.  
  
"You wish."  
  
"Ah, but if I had one wish, I would wish that you were mine, my dear Evans."  
  
Did he just call me by my surname? No more nicknames? Now I can live with that.  
  
"What a lame pick-up line," I told him, "I've heard better from Muggle boys."  
  
Something glinted in Potter's hazel-colored eyes. I don't know if I imagined it because they were normal the next second.  
  
"Why don't we start discussing like Dumbledore asked?" he said in a stiff monotone.  
  
"Um, sure."  
  
That damn Potter is making me nervous.

-------

I didn't even notice the train stop when Potter and I were talking. It was more of a get-to-know-each-other chat instead of a planning-dances-and- other-junk chat. I hate to admit it, but James Potter is a fun person to talk to, unlike Jenna.  
  
"Holy-- look outside," Potter ordered, scooting over so I could peer out the window.  
  
"Oh my God, it's really pouring!" I said. "There's no way we're going to get through that!"  
  
"Well we have to get off the train now so we're kind of forced to walk through that," Potter sighed.  
  
"But not that long, right? Just until we get into a carriage and we'll be okay. Hopefully. If we're don't drown."  
  
"Aren't you just a ray of sunshine. So damn optimistic," he muttered sarcastically. "Come on," he said louder this time. "Let's go." We both pulled our hoods over our heads and ran out.  
  
A few minutes later we finally found an empty carriage and sat there, panting from all that running. My robes were absolutely soaked but thank God my sweater blocked Potter from seeing anything. As for him, it was a different story.  
  
He wasn't wearing a gray sweater over his collared white shirt (though it's standard uniform), and his clothes were plastered onto his body. I could see a well-toned chest and a very, very nice six-pack. His long, black, messy hair was dripping but gave him a very sexy disposition. I noticed that he had two black earrings adorned on his left ear lobe. Even sexier. I love guys who look good with earrings.  
  
Oh my God.  
  
What the fuck was I thinking?  
  
Jenna is a very bad influence on me.  
  
I am so going to kill her.  
  
"Are you listening to me?"  
  
"Huh? What? I didn't hear you," I said sheepishly. I could feel the heat rising to my face. I imagined how retarded I looked. Red hair with a red face was definitely not attractive.  
  
"I asked you if you could stop admiring me for a while," he smirked. "You're making me feel like a man whore."  
  
I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time today. "Like you already aren't," I spat.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
I tried wringing water out of my robes but I was still wet as ever.  
  
"Don't."  
  
"Huh? Don't what?" I asked, confused.  
  
"Don't try getting the water out."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, first of all, it's pointless. Second of all, you look pretty hot yourself when you're wet."  
  
"Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself please."  
  
"Hey, you were checking me out before so now I'm doing the same for you." He smiled.  
  
I was blushing again.  
  
Dammit!  
  
Can't that thing be controlled?!  
  
"You look cute when you blush too," Potter added.  
  
"Great, it's just fantastic that I'm alone with somebody who admires me a little too much," I said sarcastically.  
  
He simply smiled at me.

-------

"So how was it?" Jenna asked as I approached the Gryffindor table.  
  
"How was what?" I replied, sitting next to her as Professor McGonagall came into the Great Hall with this year's batch of first years trudging behind her.  
  
"The train and carriage rides!" she hissed.  
  
"I tell you one thing, he has got a really nice body."  
  
Jenna's jaw dropped open. She gaped at me.  
  
"Omigod! You fucked him, didn't you?" she asked.  
  
"Ewwww! What the – where the hell did you get that idea?"  
  
"When you said he had a nice body-"  
  
"That's 'cause his clothes were soaked and I could see through them!"  
  
"Ohh..."  
  
Fortunately, the Sorting began and no more talk of James Potter was brought up during the feast.  
  
After dinner, Professor Dumbledore came up to Potter and I specially to show us the Head bedrooms.  
  
Professor Dumbledore was leading us around the corridors until we finally reached this ugly, super-tacky griffin.  
  
"Lightning bug," Professor Dumbledore told the griffin. The griffin moved aside and bowed deeply to us. Professor Dumbledore walked inside the dark entrance the griffin had hid while we followed him.  
  
Lights illuminated the room immediately, revealing a very circular, Gryffindor-styled chamber. There were long gold and scarlet drapes hanging from the walls, probably hiding large glass windows. Two staircases on opposites of the room wound into spirals leading upstairs. There were red couches, a fireplace, and a few desks for doing homework. Two doors were lined up on opposite walls and a big crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling.  
  
"These staircases will bring you to your rooms," Professor Dumbledore told us. "You two can figure out which bedroom you want, even though they're exactly the same and wouldn't make a difference. These two doors both lead to the bathroom so make sure both are locked before you bathe."  
  
"Why couldn't you have just built one door?" Potter asked.  
  
"I didn't build Hogwarts, the founders did. But if you look inside the bathroom, it is quite large," Professor Dumbledore said. "Well I leave you to pick out your bedrooms. Good night, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter." He made to exit.  
  
"Good night, Professor," Potter and I said at the same time.  
  
"Well, which bedroom do you want?" we both asked each other in unison.  
  
"I'll take the left staircase and you take the right," I suggested.  
  
"But what if I wanted the left one?" he whined.  
  
I glared at him. "Does it really make a difference?"  
  
"Guess not. Anyway, I'm tired. Good night, Lily." He walked up the stairs, leaving me by myself.  
  
"Good night...James," I whispered to myself. A/N: Teehee, Lily said James's name for the first time! =O Did you guys notice I kept putting "Potter" instead of James? Probably, since you are all so smart! =D  
  
Believe it or not, this Wednesday, the fourth of August, is my BIRTHDAY! Happy early birthday to me! Even though you can't get me a present, you can always REVIEW!  
  
**BlackFox84** – Sorry, but I do not intend for Sirius to get _any_, if you know what I mean! =]

REVIEW! I would greatly appreciate it!


	3. Important

A/N: This isn't an update. So sorry! I've decided to do a rewrite of The Ultimate Players' Guidebook to Womanizing. Thanks to all my reviewers! I love you guys! Look for it -- it'll be coming to a computer screen near you!

Until the rewrite then!


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